Midlife As "The Valley Between"
“Multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision! For the day of the LORD is near in the valley of decision.”
Theologically, this Joel 3 passage speaks of the judgement of God. Here are the words of Barnes’ commentary on these verses:
“For the Day of the Lord is near in the valley of decision - Their gathering against God shall be a token of His coming to judge them. They come to fulfill their own ends; but His shall be fulfilled on them. They are left to bring about their own doom…”
So I might be contemplating, here, the deep similarity between midlife and the Joel 3: 14 conundrum…
Today, I heard a lecture by social scientist and NYT bestselling author Arthur Brooks. It was pointed out that our satisfaction - or lack thereof - with our relationships at age 50 is a singularly clear and concise predetermining factor of our quality of life at age 80.
Let’s look again at the commentary on Joel 3:14 - “Their gathering against God is (actually) a token of His coming to judge them…” (parenthesis mine)
IOW, their perspective - which in this valley place could not be reverse engineered - portended their own actual destiny. These in the valley thought that their dissatisfaction, by the sheer numbers of them that were “in agreement”, meant that they must be right. But from God’s vantage point, those who gathered in that valley of decision for the wrong reasons were foretelling their own doom.
In the light of Joel 3 and the results of Dr. Brooks’ research on quality of life IN midlife and into old age…
…some of us better be availing ourselves of the Mighty Gift of Repentance. (To repent simply means to “choose to think completely differently.”)
We absolutely cannot reverse engineer the sense of satisfaction we have/had in our relationships at any age, but particularly not at age 50-55. It was what it was, or it is what it is. We cannot pretend it away…not with God. Here is where repentance is as big a refreshing to our spirit as adding a new deck to the back of our home was to our outdoor “long table family-and-friends dinners”. (That deck was game changing. A joy-maker. It increased our ability to practice hospitality in every way. Our outdoor life is FUN, now. But it was hard, hard work…because we did it all ourselves. By choice. From tear-down, to re-build. What a metaphor is there, on the process of repentance, and the joy it brings when we get through it!)
Repentance is a gift.
We can choose to repent of our own dissatisfaction with our friends, church, spouse, or job. We can choose another perspective, and decide to (dare I say it?) love what is ours.
an image of a (sold) original depicting feminine youth and midlife - and the mentoring relationship
In natural terms, your happiness when you are old depends on doing (or having done) the right thing in the midlife “valley of decision” .
MY message is this: If you didn’t get it right, you still have time to fix it. But it will be hard work, it will take time, a few letters or phone calls, or face-to-face over coffee. It may take the act of circling way back, and sincerely apologizing.
None of those actions earn God’s favor. Of course not. What they do earn, however, is some all-important emotional resiliency, flexibility, and joy.
By choosing to “return to first love”, by activating the SHEER MIRACULOUS GIFT of being able to go back in time (through repentance) and “fix it” where you failed to love, means you get to flex and strengthen the very emotional muscles that you must have to thrive in your elder years.
(an image from a sketch tutorial found in my online class “The Women of Advent”)
Wherever I am unhappy now, foretells my quality of life in twenty years. However I find myself in my “valley of decision” will be the position God lets me keep - unless I change my mind. Unless I tear down and rebuild.
Wherever I am not loving what is mine to love right now, in the middle, in the valley of decision, is predicting the very areas where, in my old age, I will have either “real relationships” or “deal relationships” (based on “you do this for me, I do that for you”).
Your original design is to “go from strength TO strength” (which is also the title of Harvard lecturer and author Dr. Arthur Brooks’ new book). But to have that kind of lifestyle all the way into old age depends on the mysterious paradox of sovereign grace meeting your own initiative to do the work. Do the work of change.
May the Holy Spirit bring this home to every heart. Mine, above all.
Top Ten {...or so...} Beauty Products of 2020
At least a couple times a month, I am asked what I do to take care of my skin.
I mean, I’m asked by someone “in real life”. We all know that social media doesn’t count, because: filters. (I use them - without shame or apology. If a filter will take away just one hurdle to my putting my best ideas out there, then filters are good and Godly…and free.) Hallelujah.
Almost without fail, others are struck by how uncomplicated and inexpensive my skin routine actually is. I promised my Instagram Stories Friends a blog post about it, so let’s go!
Here is the first product that, if I had to pick just one - out of all of 2020 - that was a revelation…it’s this one.
Now. You could call this a razor for a girl’s face, but what fun is that? This, friends, is a dermaplaner. And you could pay upwards of $200 for one, or you could pay under $10 for a dozen. (Feel free to take the money I just saved you, and buy yourself a print or three from my shop!)
Kitsch Pro Dermaplaning Set link
There’s a trick to using this little tool. Don’t be nervous, though. Hold it at an angle against your face, and take small, confident strokes. It will take away unwanted fuzz, the odd sprout, and the dead skin cells. Far and away my best beauty discovery of 2020.
Next, I think this one will also surprise you:
I discovered this amazing product through my “irl” (in real life) friend Terrica Joy, the creator of Eden and Vine magazine.
I first bought it because word “on the street” is that the ingredients naturally kill the COVID virus. I don’t know if that is, or is not true. I have several friends who spray this on their hands, and on surfaces they come in contact with when they have to be out and about, for example, at a restaurant, they will pull the small bottle out of their purse and spray down their table.
The total surprise here is that: A. It is marketed through a dental health site, but B. is amazing for erasing fine lines and wrinkles, I assume through its hydrating properties, yet C. Kills COVID {??}
Age-Rejuv Oxymist. I spray it on my face, after washing and before moisturizing with just one essential oil.
Which brings us to my next no-fail product:
Eden’s Garden Frankincense {Boswellia Carterii}
There’s a story behind this wholehearted recommendation. Those who are fainthearted should look away.
This past summer, I was bitten on the face by a brown recluse spider. ::shudder:: I had a low grade fever, chills, body aches, swelling, and intense pain at “the injection site”…in the corner of my right eye!
This was me on a good day. I’ve never felt pain quite like it. But here, though I was looking much better, you can at least still see the swelling.
That bite left a visible scar that would not go away. My daughters would joke that I made it all the way to my fifties, had been through childhood injuries and chicken pox and teenage acne - all with no scars…only to be bitten by a spider in 2020, and my beauty marred forever.
Well played, 2020….well played. ;)
Just when I decided I would have to live with copious amounts of concealer, I decided to try frankincense essential oil. I had already long been a fan of the Eden’s Garden brand. They are therapeutic grade oils at prices that do not put my family budget in jeopardy. And I do not have to ask all my friends to “have lunch” with me, or consider myself an oils naturopath, or spend “X” amount to keep the “X” price. I do not have an upline or a downline, and best of all, I am never tempted to teach “oils of the Bible” over Zoom. I just go. Buy. Use. Done. It’s all my menopausal brain can handle.
(And if you do all the above, go with God, my friend. Go with God. And do it wholeheartedly.)
I began dabbing a drop of this oil, “neat” (no carrier oil) straight onto the scar.
Within about 6 weeks, I could not see it unless I really searched for it in that magnifying mirror. Friends, I went from looking like a prison gangster who had murdered one soul (with a single “teardrop tattoo”) to all healed up.
I now slather this oil all over my face, every morning. Now, here’s three more that will forever be in my arsenal, and why:
For inflammation with pain, I love turmeric. (Believe it or not, the scent is heavenly in my diffuser, too!)
For hot flashes, I love clary sage. (works!!)
For my personal scent (which a lady is never supposed to divulge) strangers on the street - all of whom were women, so calm down - stop me to ask what I am wearing. Hand to heart, that is no lie. It has happened way more than once! The name will throw you, but the scent is out of this world, is Eden’s Garden Earth and Wood oil. Use a drop of this oil mixed with a drop of coconut oil as a carrier oil, put it on your wrists and the back of your neck, and you will smell so good, your best girlfriends will look at you like they could eat you alive.
It’s a frightening feeling, but strangely satisfying. I have had women ask me to hold their babies, so that this scent gets on their babies, and when they get the baby back, they get to wear this cute little human oil diffuser and feel so happy.
Next product that was an epiphany for me, is this makeup mirror:
Here’s the scoop about this, or any, magnifying mirror: at first, you will pretty much need to do some EFT tapping, or get therapy after you see your face, magnified 10x. (Just kidding about the EFT tapping…I’ve never tried it, for the record. But therapy still seems like a good option, because you will see things you never knew were there.)
Fine lines. Deep lines. Peach fuzz. Pores, pores, and more pores.
Persevere, brave lady. This is not for wimps or pansies. This is a tool for women ready to do the work, and accept the results. It took a few days to reconcile myself to the realization that I went however many years not knowing that I had flakes of mascara under my eyes, and eyebrows that looked like old lady brows. But after that initial soul-work (haha), here’s the epiphany: when I pass inspection in this mirror, my confidence is solid and sure. I walk out my door knowing that I am the best I can be - yes, “for my age”.
The other epiphany is that I sat this mirror on a small desk in my bedroom. Then, I moved all my makeup to the drawer of this desk. For the first time in my whole life, I now sit down to do my makeup.
Who knew that. is. a. whole. thing? Like - it’s soul nourishing! Sitting down to apply makeup sends a signal to my whole being that I am worth an extra moment or two. I will even listen to a podcast while I take my dear sweet time, some mornings!
So, to put this all in perspective, here’s the way I do it. I stand, using this mirror, to wash, tone, oil, dermablade, and take all my vitamins and supplements:
This one is attached to my regular mirror over my bathroom sink. All that exfoliating and cleaning is messy, splashy work, best done standing up.
Then, I sit down with the other, at the little desk in my bedroom. When the weather is pretty, I’ll open the back door in the master, leading to my backyard, and listen to our fountain gurgling and the birds singing while I put on makeup. It has changed even how I apply every single product, because….well…I can actually see what I am doing. When I’m finished, I give myself a once-over in the 5x mirror, and when it all passes muster, I get up and go about my day without giving anything another thought. I feel confident.
On to makeup. Friends, I use the primer that broke the internet. (Seriously!). And it’s under $10!
On a good day, I am happy with just this primer, and a coat of mascara, and this eyebrow product:
Ardell Brow Confidential
A word on eyebrows, especially if you have silver hair: my natural color used to be very, very dark. So I do use the “soft black” colored brow treatment. This is not a pencil! I am not a fan of pencils for my eyebrows. If you are, go with God, sister. But for me, this soft black on my eyebrows has changed my game. Big, dramatic statement, I know. But something about a strong brow - but yet, a brow that is not “drawn on” - makes my face look so much better.
We’re getting towards the end. If you have hung with me, I thank you. And I hope you thank me, because mylord, this is work!
What “one thing” helps you feel put together? For me, it’s often a mani-pedi, but it’s winter, so a pedicure is a complete non-essential in my book. But since I often video my hands making art (for social media or classes), I feel so much more put together if my nails have a coat of polish on them.
But I’m always in too much of a hurry for regular nail polish at home, and hate spending $30 on manicures every other week. My solution is not perfect. However, I could either do this and have passable hands in no time, or dish out big bucks and a lot of time for “perfect”. For me, “passable” is best.
This, in white. Boom. Done. Not perfect. Just passable. And easily touched up in literally one minute. For pennies. Now, it’s a given that I have to touch up almost every day, but if it takes one minute, that’s fine by me. Bonus points if you buy two, and carry one in your purse.
Lastly, a product that is a beauty product in my opinion, because avoiding eyestrain is beautiful to me. And because these blue light blocking glasses have also gotten me many compliments:
Last, but not least, I thought of the two items of clothing, bought in 2020, that have garnered the most admiration. What two things have I been asked the most, “Where did you get that?”
I’m using old social media pictures, so these are just my casual “Sunday Selfies”, in no way meant to be professional. I got the shirt half-off sometime around Black Friday. I’m not sure if J. Crew still has these shirts or not - but you can try! These run small. This shirt is a size 10, and so I have to put a safety pin across the bust.
And also, I get tons of compliments and “asks” about this linen dress:
From a little online shop called “Linen.me”, I got this dress in a color called “ink”…I think. To me, it also runs small, so I sized up. This dress is a size large. That size fits me better through the bust, but is big everywhere else. For summer, though, that’s just perfect. It’s easy, airy, flow-ey, and I feel so put together. I usually wear sandals with it, or a favorite pair of open-weaved-leather western mules, but in this picture, it was fall. I squeezed out one final wear before putting it away for spring. Thus, the Frye boots. But I think the boots looked fine with it! (More bonus points: my daughter Sarah is the one who turned me onto the fact that you can buy gorgeous boots on eBay for a fraction of retail. I now proudly sport a small stable of Frye boots, Doc Martin boots, and Hunter rain boots, and didn’t pay more than $50 for any one pair of them!)
Let me know if you decide to give any of these products a try! I am not an affiliate for any of these things. This post was - for real - a labor of love. I wanted to keep my promise to you!