Day 11 of Lent {...tell me about your sweet family...}
I am one who deeply sees and values other families. I consider each family unique and precious. I often tell them (just by way of example):
You Smiths are amazing. You are unique expression of Christ in the earth. There is not another family in all of history like you, and there never will be. The way you guys care for each other is impressive. You love well.”
You will always find me respecting the beautiful thing that is your family. I will not seek to have a title or a place in your life that rightfully belongs to someone else. For example - I won’t secretly wish you’d call me your mom. You can love me like a mama, you can think as highly of me as you want to (and I sure hope you do!) and I may love you like a son or a daughter….but I know that you have one mama. No matter how flawed she was, is, or will be, there’s only one of her in all of time and eternity!
As leaders, rather than coveting the title of “being your spiritual dad or mom”, The Preacher and I would far rather equip you to love your own parents well. We’d far rather help you see how vitally connected honor and blessing are.
I have to tell you, under any kind of normal circumstances, unless your mother (or your dad or your sister or brother…I am just using mother as our person for the sake of this blog post)…
…unless she was a drug addict or horribly neglected you, or abandoned the family, it is possible in the Gospel for you to find ways to honor your her. It is possible to recover that relationship, see a measure of healing in it, and your life will be so much richer for it!
SHEILA ATCHLEY DESIGNS
I’m saying these things as someone who is a spiritual mother to quite a few. I get flowers and cards for Mother’s Day from children I did not physically give birth to. I get multiple texts on Mother’s Day, and I screen shot and treasure them all. But I never once tried to position myself in that way.
As you might already know, there’s a theological basis for all of this:
“Tell the whole community of Israel that on the tenth day of this month each man is to take a lamb for his family, one for each household.”
Every family has its own history that no other family has ever had, or ever will have. Every family configuration is like a fingerprint - no one can repeat it. Others can try to imitate my family (or yours), but how lame would that be, really? Even the four walls of every physical home is (or should be) like a snowflake, with no two alike. In all of time and eternity, there is no other family like yours, and that’s why God commanded a lamb for each and every household - not a lamb for a tribe, or a lamb for the nation, or a lamb for a village, or a lamb per street.
The “once for all time” sacrifice of Jesus also somehow becomes the unique sacrifice for every family’s story.
Wherever your family is broken, know that Christ can put it back together. Know that I’m with you in the waiting. And He will do His healing work with a tender respect for who you are together, where you have been, and where you are heading.
Any leader or church or group of people, even any extended family (such as an in-law) who seeks to even slightly diminish your own sense of your family, or who seeks to be a replacement for your family or for certain members of your family is, by definition, a controlling, cultish person - or as a group, they are a cult. If the person is an extended family member, put up a strong, clear boundary that says that your own family of origin will be loved and respected. If it is another person or couple or a church or a group of people, immediately place some healthy distance between you and them, or between you and that person, quickly.
Because there is a Lamb that was slain for your household! Jesus loves kindreds. Families are His jam.
Go love on yours!
Day 7 of Lent {...and this, the first of All My Fatherless Winters...}
From the very beginning of this piece, let me say that I do not see myself as “fatherless” in any spiritual or ultimate sense. The Living God and I have an intimate, sweet, father-daughter relationship. It began well, when I was 6 years old, in a tiny Presbyterian church. That relationship has only grown sweeter with the years.
Truly, “the longer I serve Him, the sweeter He grows.”
And that was my earthly father’s favorite song.
Was.
He went to heaven, this past August. Because he was a good dad, my relationship with my Heavenly Father has also been good, and has only deepened and become more beautiful, over time. Scarcely a thing I write is without some reference to my good, good Father.
By contrast, there are at least a dozen blog posts I have written in years past, about how Old Man Winter and I have a horrible relationship. He has never been good to me, and it’s no wonder - I’ve always dreaded his arrival and celebrated his departure. I won’t bore you here with back-link after back-link, each old blog post proving to you allllll the words I’ve written about that old man - the grey, the gloom, the lack of sunshine, seasonal depression, etc etc.
You might imagine my surprise when, as Old Guy Winter is loosening his grip on the culdesac, I sit here this morning and look back over the span of time between the Christmas Star until right this moment…
…and it has been my best winter yet.
It has not been without its deep challenges. (So let that give you an idea of how profound the struggle has been, in past years. Winter often translates into a fight for life for me. I only wish that was hyperbole.)
What has changed? What has made such a huge difference?
Honor.
I believe it’s the power of honor.
I heard a message by a friend of the family, Sean Whaley - Sean is the son-in-love of our dear friends Rob and Glenda Rufus of City Church International in Hong Kong. (Here’s the link to his message, if you are interested) and in the message he made this observation:
“The Kingdom of God operates on two principles…”
Humility
&
Honor
He said that the Kingdom of God operates on the principles of humility and honor. I’ve heard that said before, in years past, from various teachers. The more the decades fly by, the more I believe these words to be increasingly true. (John Bevere has a powerful message on honor - and the way that it attracts very real reward into ones life.)
In no way is the concept of “honor bringing reward” meant to be antithetical, or a challenge to the message of grace. Of course, I cannot earn and deserve my blessings. This concept of honor and reward is far more tied to friendship with God. When you understand who He is, what He is like, what He loves, and the sorts of atmospheres that He finds irresistible - well, faith is at the top of the list of “these are a few of His favorite things”. Humility would be on that list. And honor would be perhaps second only to faith.
The Living God finds a culture of honor to be irresistible. Embedded into the Ten Commandments, the first commandment with a promise concerns honor. And the promise? “Honor your father and your mother, that it may be well with you…”
God loves to show up with wellness and blessing wherever people honor Him and honor their leaders and honor one another. When we dishonor someone who He has planted in our life, someone who is meant to be honored by us, His Spirit is grieved. The Bible even goes so far as to say we do a level of damage to our own soul, when we dishonor certain people.
This.
I made a promise, in this moment, on that day. I made a quiet promise to honor his memory by refusing despair. And by walking in a consistent level of leadership.
Like he did.
Little did I realize that the summertime promise made, would bring me a harvest of wintertime blessing.
Not because I earned it, or deserve it. Rather, because the Kingdom operates based on honor.