Your Solstice of the Soul

2019, we are coming for you.

It is time for a #middlekindling of the soul.

I hope and pray each of you had the best Christmas yet. But even if you did not, there is still one more gift of Christmas, and it is waiting there just for you: the gift of being able to hope in God. It is always darkest just before dawn. Those who have seen this fact with the eyes of their soul, know it is no cliche. It is rock-bottom truth: Beginning December 21st and forward, light starts to grow greater than darkness.

Welcome to my version of Winter Solstice Soul Care. I am such a light-lover.

2018

Taking out the
Trash of the past
Year
I really do get to
Walk away -
Wiping off the
Sticky prints
Of those dozen Judas’ kisses
From my cheek.
They aren’t worthy
To mingle with my
Tears that heal.

~Sheila Atchley

I write for women “in the middle” - in that 40-60 time of life. I also write to those women for whom middle age is mandatory, but cynicism is optional. I write to those women who are the older ones in the room, and I write to those women who desperately long to look up to the older ones in the room, hoping to see something that will give them more hope than they’ve found so far.

When the middle is lived well, it is a little like climbing to the top of a hill. You’ve paid a high price to get there, and the journey was difficult. You bear the joys and the scars of the trudge. Being there is a watershed place, where for the first time, you can see both the way you’ve come, and the way forward, with near-equal clarity. You may or may not have something of value to sell, but you definitely have something of infinite value to say.

And my Lord, now is the time for you to speak up, if that is you.

On the first full day of winter solstice, my whole family (those who live in the various houses here on the culdesac) went on a hike - a nice, long one - to walk the truth of soul-care-solstice right on out: “In Him is light, and that light is the life of men.”

For me, I quietly walked away from every non-essential noun of 2018 (every person, place, thing, or idea).

If you haven’t gone for a walk-away in the woods, try it. Do it intentionally. If possible, do it with a few of your people.

It has been the best year of my life. I mean, “Hello, Italy. You were stunning. The Preacher and I fell in love with you.”

Also, I received more art commissions this year, than all the years I have been painting put together. Another grand-wildling was added to the pack.

I heard the Lord speak to me and through me and over me more clearly than I have ever heard Him speak. And trust me, that’s saying something.

(I’m laughing so hard at my own pun. I hope you are too.)

I’ve also been faced with the biggest challenges of my life. This post got lived out, twelve kind of ways. I found these previous learnings to still be as sturdy and reliable as ever! So many would like to think of themselves as leadership material, but they cannot compost the crap that comes with the job. You’ll find them devolving into thinly veiled bitterness, setting out to take their dazzling gifts elsewhere, casting subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) blame with well-modulated public voices, but inwardly they are ravening-hungry for something they cannot have, without repentance: the respect that comes with doing the right thing, and the heavenly, eternal reward of true leadership.

And in my best Forrest Gump voice, “That’s all I’ve got to say about that.” For now.

We walked together, in those woods, while I inwardly moistened a hypothetical finger, and picked up the last page of 2018. It is still turning, as I type. On the backside of it is marked the word: FINI. Forgiveness is what makes those nouns of 2018 (persons, places, things, or ideas) non-essential in my life. By non-essential, I mean “no longer a factor - no longer important.” That is the little-talked about benefit of forgiveness, because it can, at first blush, sound like unforgiveness - this thought that you get to put someone completely out of your mind.

But you do! That’s the perk, and it is meant to be the perk of letting go. There is a type of forgiveness that involves up-close restoration. That kind is a two-way-street. We all say we want that, until it involves repentance. When repentance isn’t going to happen, there is a forgiveness that is wisely done from a distance. In that case, forgiveness is how you get to walk away, and don’t ever again have to give a second thought, or three hoots, or even one dang. It is no longer even necessary to give the benefit of the doubt. It’s all good, and you are at peace. You get to move ahead into what comes next!

Solstice Soul Care at its finest. Cue the lights.

“The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, that shines brighter and brighter…”

"Let Your Yes Be Yes" (What Saying "Yes" To Your Gifts Really Means)

Sketching in Bellagio, Italy

“But let your yes be yes, and let your no be no. Whatever is more than this, is from the evil one. ”

— (words of Jesus)

I have heard one phrase again and again (and again) this year. I have heard these words said to me more this year than in any other year of my life:

“Thank you for saying ‘yes’.”

So much (…so, so much…) is said about “saying yes to our gifts”. But what does that even mean? What is it, exactly, that we are saying “YES” to, when we say yes to how we are made and the way God calls us to express it? No one told me, on January 1st of this year, what saying “yes” would mean. Had they told me, I might have tried to say a lesser yes. I would have tried to say, “Yes, but…”

I would have tried to say, “Yes, however…”

I would have at least said “maybe”.

And all of it - every single thing but that one simple “yes”, would have come straight from the pit of hell.

Let me be honest, here. I did, for a moment, try to say a lesser “yes”. I did try to say, “Yes, however…” And I wanted with everything in me to say “Maybe. Maybe, if…”

But in the end, I said “YES” multiple times in multiple areas - and in letting that yes BE, that also meant letting many “no’s” BE.

NO.

Just….nope.

No.

(Mostly, the “no” looked like complete silence on my part.)

No. Again and again. Sometimes, there were two or three silent, agonizing “no’s” for each “yes”. That’s the nature of letting your yes BE.

No, I am not going to run after. No, I am not going to ask why. No, I am not going to discuss. No, I am not going to care about this, because I have already said a wholehearted “YES” to caring about something that matters far more.

When you say “yes” to your gifts, here is what you are saying “YES” to:

1. You are saying “yes” to making others uncomfortable. Because a true gift will stir resonance in those of a kindred spirit…

   …and dissonance in those of a different spirit.

2. You are saying “yes” to naming things. You find yourself tasked with naming your season, naming your enemy, and naming who your friends are. Saying “yes” to your creative gift means living in a heightened, sometimes beautiful, sometimes quite painful, state of noticing. And with noticing, comes naming. Nothing you’ve said yes to, can remain stuck in a haze of ambiguity.

3. You are saying “yes” to a process you cannot control. My “yes” this year hurled me into a creative process that didn’t look anything like what I thought it would, or anything like what I thought it should. I could not “beincontrol” and “become” at the same time. I was forced to choose.

4. You are saying “yes” to doing hard things. Please know, there are easier ways to get a paycheck than to be creative. There are easier ways to serve the Lord, than to say “yes” by putting your very essence out there in the form of a sermon or painting, a song or a dance.

5. You are saying “yes” to risk and change.

6. You are saying “yes” to a way of seeing. Warning: you can’t unsee what you see. Holy Spirit will give you eyes to see. And once He does, He will not leave you alone. He will sit and look at you with steady gaze, until your art gets gut-honest.

7. You are saying “yes” to a call that originated outside yourself. This year brought with it a soul-reckoning that made me count the cost. I am, in fact, called to be a creative being in a world that vastly values product over process.

8. You are saying “yes” to mystery. I have had to daily say yes to outcomes I cannot see - outcomes I have no way of knowing how they will “come out”. The risks are real. I could fail. The rewards may not be felt for a long time. I must reconcile myself to saying yes to the work, not to the result.

9. You are saying “yes” to being misunderstood, but you are also saying “yes” to being understood. Those who misunderstand, move away from you. Those who understand, draw near. And can I tell you?

There’s no worse - and no better - feeling.

Saying “yes” is worth it.