Stage Three
Partner Response Survey
Stage three: Partner Response Exercise
Recovery is about much more than getting sober from porn: it is re-learning to be vulnerable with each other.
Identify the ways your partner's porn use has affected you mentally, physically, sexually, and spiritually. Write it down, and then speak it to him in person.
This, too, (same as with "Disclosure") is a supervised session, with a trusted confidante or counselor present.
Hearing anger expressed in a healthy way is a big part of healing. Hearing pain expressed by the betrayed spouse is a big part of re-awakening the empathy that addicts lose in the pursuit of pleasure.
His response needs to be practiced, at first, word for word, even though it might feel stiff or scripted: "I hear that you are angry, and that makes sense to me." -OR-
"I hear you saying you feel disgusted. Can you tell me more about that?"
In the future, as the two of you move forward, and after you and your partner have your full disclosure, AND response sessions…
…then it is time to gently practice emotional intimacy. Do not make this an emotionally intense engagement, because this is meant to become a daily habit.
What is this daily habit? It will be a not-more-than-ten-minute exercise you’ll do together.
Think of the word “help”. The two of you need a little “help” becoming emotionally intimate again. So, let’s drop the vowel “e”, and go with the letters H,L,P:
Highs, Lows, and Preoccupations
More on these, at the link below:
