On Being A Safe Person {...and do all witches wear pointy hats...or do they go to church...}
There’s a great deal of teaching in some Christian circles on the subject of “witchcraft”, or a “spirit of witchcraft”. The internet abounds with instruction (and rightly so) about how to deal with controlling spirits, Jezebel spirits, and the like.
What makes anyone susceptible to that kind of darkness? What makes anyone succumb to those influences?
Answer: Deep disappointment.
…a detail of a self-portrait. I have met “the enemy”, and she is me…
Here’s the thing: you’re never at more risk of becoming an unsafe person than when you’ve experienced a great hope deferred, deep disappointment in oneself or someone else, or when you’ve been legitimately hurt or betrayed. You know. That church that hurt you. The spouse who cheated. The parent who abused you. The false friend who betrayed you. The dream that did not come true. The outcome you hoped for, but did not happen. Those experiences can make US toxic for others.
Yes, YOU. Yes, ME. We are at risk for becoming unsafe people because we will be tempted to carry that pain. We will be tempted to build whole thought-strongholds around that deferred hope, around that betrayal. We will also, and even more dangerously, magnetize wrong relationships and false teachers to our lives - other people, and teachers, who themselves have been deeply hurt, and their disappointment has made them dangerous.
There is more than one way that “hurt people hurt people.”
We will be haunted by an insecurity that makes US as capable of causing as much pain as any dashed dream or lost hope. We will function from an insecurity that makes US as dangerous as the person/people who betrayed us.
Insecurity is a pain that can and will make us profoundly self-centered.
Legitimate pain can become a black hole that drives us to seek validation, and to treat every relationship as a means to that end, using almost everything and everyone to feel better.
Our pain from our own dashed dreams or deferred hopes, creates a shame and anxiety that percolates invisibly. Even when our externals are mechanically or theologically correct, our affect on others is toxic. Because we do not impart what we say. We impart who we are. If the streams that are flowing out of us are coming from a deep seated bitterness - if something is polluting our unguarded heart, it is a toxic overflow.
I believe God does give us dreams to chase. But I sadly believe that the most important component to having a healthy dream is missing from an entire generation of middle aged women: a well soul.
There are two reasons to dream: 1. Overflow. We dream out of our friendship and fellowship with God and with others. (Truth: you will not fulfill your destiny without others. And not just “any” others…you must cultivate right relationships with the right others!) OR 2. Idolatry. We dream because we are grasping - always trying to get something from people, events, or possessions, in order to fix a broken or unwell soul.
We must do the work of repentance. Repentance literally means to choose another thought. We have a responsibility to find true and deep healing (no, not in art - no, not in the Enneagram - no, not in essential oils - no, not in attaining your goal weight - no, not in marriage - no, not in money…) in the Gospel of the Finished Work of Jesus.
Only the healing that flows from THAT place can give you the sort of quiet confidence that makes you a safe woman. Righteousness as a gift, applied by faith to our deepest pain, makes us safe friends, safe ministers, sage and safe mothers, safe sisters, daughters, bosses, business owners, artists and creatives.
God is safe to trust. Jesus Christ has fully received you. And He is enough.
From that place, we no longer need new landscapes. We have new eyes. Eyes that choose to dwell only on what is good and beautiful in others and in ourselves.