How To Love Your Narcissist And Still Protect Yourself and Your Family

I hate to use the term “gaslight”, because my enneagram 4 wing has a really big butt and she takes up a lot of room inside my personality. We don’t like to use terms everyone else is using.

Nevertheless.

I think this will help more than one person.

You may be shocked at who you discover is willing to gaslight you - who it is that will try to tell you that your experience of them was not your experience of them. That you can’t be right, accurate, or correct in your perception. They truly will try to convince you that you didn’t see what you saw, didn’t experience what you experienced, didn’t hear what you heard.

I can promise you that there’s at least three people who’ve gone before you, who were put through the same routine: “love bomb, draw close, siphon energy, push away, mistreat, then gaslight”. It’s a dangerous pattern, and the damage is real.

When this happens to you, DO NOT RUN. If you run, they will catch on, and likely try to make you pay! When this happens to you, when the gaslighters gaslight….smile and wave. Just smile and wave.

If you say anything at all, simply say “Mmmmkay, thanks.”

Back away slowly. Smile the whole time. Tell them how wonderful they are - because they are probably a narcissist anyway. You see, even though they are gaslighting the crap out of you, you are still the one with all the power.

Because you can still find things to genuinely love about them, in spite of their behavior. But love does not have to equal access or proximity. Especially not when the well being of others you lead is also at stake - such as your children, if you are a parent, or your church if you are a pastor, or your team if you are a business owner. You can find ways to pray for them, and to care for them from a distance that keeps you and the people you lead safe.

Just put ‘er in reverse, sis. Back away slowly as you wave, smile, and keeeeeeeeeeeeep on backing away, until there’s miles between you. Then back away some more. Give them space to move onto the next person.

Oh, they will. They so will. They always do.

Because they are always looking for someone fresh and new and interesting enough to them, to siphon off some of the next woman’s spiritual insight, or creative energy, or joy. They are always looking for the next person to treat her as the screen upon which they get to project their version of themselves. Only to swear that they didn’t do ANY of those things, AT ALL.

Bless.

Trust me, they won’t go without willing victims. Like attracts like - and that is why you never really mixed as well with them at first as you wanted to. But the next person might be the perfect match. They will be thrilled to have each other. For a time. Always, for a time.

In other words, do not worry that your narcissist or gaslighter will miss you. They won’t.

But again: You have all the power. Because you know what’s up. You know what’s going on, and you are making conscious choices, for the benefit of the greater good, and with conscious love.